Not Cool Beans

Funny story that happened that other day. Funny as in, I thought I was either gonna die or I was gonna kill the 'dude'. (first two posts and both include me picking beef with him, sign?) Nah..seriously he makes up for it in this one.

So I love coffee, no wait, it loves me...errr we both are in love and gonna get married sometime in the fall, save the date. (it's my season, don't judge) Anychino, I'm not like those Starbuck beeeyotches, I get the real deal whole bean super strong concoct. from a coffee shop. You know the type, one of those artsy fartsy jazz places except since I live in hickville, it's more like a place for young Mennonites to sit, sip, and say, 'hey look at me, I'm super hip AND I milk cows and crap!'

Not me though, I float in there, grab my pound 'o' beans, plunk down the green or slide the debit, and float right back out. (i for real float, so ecstatic I got my fix obviously) I don't even give those hipster wannabe's the satisfaction of a sideways glance 'cause they're not even on my level. Pfffft, posers.

Well the lb. usually lasts me and the 'dude' a whole week, if we don't go overboard. Usually a pot in the morning, maybe a small one for me in the afternoon, and a pot in the evening. We have a schedule down and pat. So I thought. This past week we ran out, on a non scheduled day. Lemme tell ya something about the 'dude', he doesn't like to do things out of schedule. 

L.s.s. One day of not having coffee (not too terrible bad), Two days of not having coffee (migraine from hell kicks in) meanwhile, the 'dude' is acting like sh*t isn't totally f*cked up, Three days of not having coffee and I'm couch ridden (srsly.) He's all what's wrong, think it's sinus?

F*CK NO it's not sinus, I'm dying from caffeine withdrawal!!!!! How are you even functioning?!

His reply, 'I actually don't crave it anymore, I'm thinking about taking a break.'

My reply... 'Oh really, yeah okay it's not so bad anymore'

Reality:

I might add that I'm trying really hard not to reach over and gouge his fracking eyes out with my shaky fingers. I have never lied so bad in my life. If there would have been a boiling lava hot cup of coffee in front of me that very second, I would've injected it straight into my veins.  But whatevs, I'm NOT going to be weaker than he is.

Scene change 10 seconds later...

'What's wrong?'
'Nothing.'
'You're not crying over the coffee are you?'
*rolls eyes dramatically*
'WHAT?!? No I'm totally not.' (you gotta say it like Linda does in Halloween circa 1978 or it doesn't count in my book)

He stares at me. I pull his pillow over my face, smearing my mascara all over it.

In the car 10 minutes later...

'Why are you going this way, don't you have to pick up the boy?'
'We're going to the coffee shop first.'
'Oh. Cool beans.'