This one time I licked raw batter...and forgot what I was going to post

I want to start this post by saying that Kashi blueberry oatmeal tastes a lot like sawdust with a singular dehydrated blueberry thrown in for taste. Vom.

Also, how is it that every time I make cupcakes I think the batter looks different and somehow I've made it wrong? I use the god damn same cupcake mix every time! The entire time I'm mixing it, I'm thinking, this looks too runny, they are going to turn out terrible. I have some major cupcake making anxiety. Running to check them every five minutes. They always turn out da bomb diggity but still....there could be that one time they sneak a secret ingredient in and then the 'dude' will be all like, 'Uh these are disgusting, what the hell?'

Also I'm bad with measurements, like really bad. Like remember when in school they had those measurement word problems? I took one look and already knew I was fucked, so I just doodled in the margins and made farting noises with my mouth. Okay I didn't do the last one, but I thought about it.

Me today while making cupcakes: 'Is 1/3 bigger than 1/4?'

Him: 'You're kidding right? You asked me this the last time. You really don't know?'

Me: 'Uh no I didn't ask you that. I asked which was bigger 3/4 or 1/4. Duh. Now who's the retard and maybe if someone bought me measuring cups we wouldn't have to go through this every time.'

Really people. I do not need the added stress.  Then you get to: fill the cups 2/3 full. For the love of all things holy!  Do you fill the cups with 2/3 cup of mixture? How exactly are you supposed to find out what 2/3 of a paper cupcake liner is? Do you measure the length of the liner with a ruler and then figure out what 2/3 of that is? Why is this so difficult?

This wasn't supposed to be a post about baking cupcakes but life is weird..for real.  I mean look how hard it is just to bake cupcakes....*sigh*

Also while baking the second batch I accidentally licked my finger that had batter on it. I'm may be dying as I type this. I mean it says right on the box: 'DO NOT LICK THE RAW BATTER OFF OF YOUR FINGER OR YOU WILL DIE' or something really close to that. Immediately I spat in the sink, grabbed the nearest paper towel (that probably had raw batter on it from when I wiped the counter down) and started jumping up and down screaming.

The 'dude' looks at me, rolls his eyes and continues to murder people in his little fake war. Like really? You see your girlfriend, clutching a paper towel to her tongue and screaming and you don't say anything!?! I could have bitten my tongue off, or sliced it on a knife. The fact that I didn't do any of this is regardless. Finally I take the paper towel away and yell, 'I licked my finger that had raw batter on it!' His reply? 'Gargle with Clorox.' Srsly. He should really start sleeping with one eye open.

Update: The oatmeal brand was not Kashi , so I apologize to the makers of Kashi for saying their blueberry oatmeal tasted like sawdust. I'm pretty sure Kashi tastes a lot better than sawdust. Well, like 17% sure.

Back to the reason for the post....well I forgot the reason and it's most likely because I licked that raw batter.

Update: The Vegetable Assassin totally dissed my measuring skills. Rad!