Crappin' on dangly bits & Texts from Bro Namath

Me to the 'dude' this evening while I'm sitting on his lap:

'Have you ever crapped on your wang when you were like taking a dump?'

'What?'

'You know, has crap ever gotten on your junk?'

Thinks for a moment. 'No.' (I can't even believe he can keep a straight face when I ask him questions like this.  He doesn't even ask the thought process it has taken me to get to this point.) It's cool though, I am kind enough to inform him. I return to running my fingers through his hair.

'Cuz you know I was thinking about if a girl has ever crapped on her tampon string.'

Now he gives me a 'what the cuss' look.

'Well, it is in sorta the same spot. It could happen. Like when you have explosive diarrhea.'

Srsly. I've put waaaay to much time into this thought. I really want to know. So if anyone has and wants to fess up, I'm all comment ears.

Now on to the latest greats from my younger bigger brother:

Me: Hey remember when you had a rat tail?

This could of been my brother*

Him: Hells yeah!

Me: I was telling the dude and he was like no way, and I said oh yes. Didn't you have a mullet too?

Him: All not my choice by the way but I was pretty BADASS if you ask me.

Me: Yeah you rocked those cut-off shirts and short shorts from the 80's too.

Him: I left dad to wear the cut-offs so short that not only were the pockets hanging out of the bottoms but you could also catch a glimpse of his ball fro from time to time. But let's not forget the fact that they were so tight, you could not only count how much change was in his pockets, tell if they were heads or tails, but almost be able to make out the year on the quarters.

Me: I almost threw up. Srsly.

Him: Welcome to my world, just don't do it in the shower. You might pass out and shit on yourself.

Me: Stop I can't breathe

Him: That's how it starts, next thing you know your laying in the rubble of what's left of your bathroom crapping out what looks like chicken broth cause your body has nothing left but vital nutrients your brain obviously isn't getting cause it's confused and has now decided it's a good idea to evacuate them out of your sore, angry, probably bleeding asshole allowing you to feel the sting of sweet relief.

People...dear people, I wish everyone knew the likes of my brother. Through the passage of time and his texts..you will.

You can thank me for it later.

I'll leave with this tidbit for next time I do a Texts From Bro Namath:

Him: You ever been able to tell what color your poop is by the feel of it?

I kid you not.

*image