Arachnid Java?

So I went to make coffee this morning and find a spider in the coffee basket. I am terrified of spiders...like paralyze my muscles and liquefies my innards, but I love coffee. So in order to function, I had to reach in and grab the spider out or have this:

Speaking of liquefying, I went down in the basement to change the laundry over, tried to squeak out a silent fart and shit in my thong...pardon, not in but on. How ironic.  At least I had another load to do.

In my absence I also got a funky, festering, itchy, seeping and oozing case of poison ivy.  Like I had to go to the Dr. and get a prescript. for oral steroids.  I got it looking for gold with the 'Dude'. Seriously, we are gold prospectors. Well not like our day jobs or anything but for a hobby. More on that later. So instead of finding riches, I had to pay out the ass for the Dr. visit, prescription, and the other various creams I had to buy.

The good note is the Audi-Doucher seems to be finally fixed, after the sixth time at the garage. The bad note is the garage owner lent us his Audi A8 so I could drive to work. The second day, the Audi-Douche Part Deux, runs out of gas in my mothertrucking parking lot!!!! Soooooooooooo, long story short, I didn't make it into work that day because O' Jerko, didn't answer his phone and was in another city so he couldn't bring me gas.

I would write more about what has went wrong since I've last posted, but it's depressing me and I think I may have shat my pants again.....

needing panties made out of t.p.,

t.WeeZy!